Thursday. The Big Day. Let’s do this:
First, I determine when I need to roll my lazy carcass out of bed. Calculate the time the turkey needs to roast/fry/bar-be-que versus the time dinner should be on the table. Those of you frying your birds can go back to bed until around ten. Jerks. The rest of us morons who love homemade gravy and stuffed roasted deliciousness are probably gonna be up before dawn. I usually get up between six and seven (which is very nearly a crime. I am a homeschooling mother-we sleep in). Get a shower now: there will not be time later. Make a pot of coffee. (The good stuff, that you use only for Special Occasions. Mine is H. E. B.’s Texas Pecan. Suh-woon, darlin’.) Put on your favorite music, pull your hair back, wash your hands again, and let’s get started.
A 12-15 pound bird usually takes between 3-4 hours to roast. One needs to allow time beforehand to prep the beast and at least an hour after the bird is finished to bake the additional yummies. (On the off chance that you have two ovens, you may be able to get away with about a half hour for the bird to rest before serving.)
Here’s how I time out the preparation of the meal:
Put a Written Menu Where You Can See It: This may seem stupid, but if you can see everything that needs to be done, you will be less likely to forget something. Like the rolls, which I always seem to forget. I post mine menu on the fridge.
Trust me on this one…
Prepare the Beast: Pull out a stick of butter and a package of cream cheese to soften. Remove the turkey from the brine, rinse the bird and carefully pat dry. Preheat the oven to 350. Get the clean roaster and some heavy-duty aluminum foil. Tear off two sheets of foil about 3 1/2 to 4 feet long and fold them lengthwise twice into long roughly two-inch wide strips. Place the strips in the form of an X across the bottom of the roaster.
Place the softened butter and two tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil into a small mixing bowl. Add in herbs of your choice, such as fresh rosemary, parsley, sage, and thyme. Also, add some lemon zest and some black pepper. Combine this into a nice herby paste and slather it all over the bird. Be sure to coat the space under the skin right against the meat. Salt and pepper the inside of the turkey and place it breast side up in the roaster on top of your foil X.
Stuff the bird with the dressing you made last night. Stuff the bird loosely. Tuck the wings under the breast, and tie the legs with cooking twine. Grab the four ends of the foil X and bring them together, twisting them slightly, so they are joined, but not touching the breast. Cover the entire thing loosely with foil. The beast is now ready.
Bake breakfast and appetizers: At my house, I serve cinnamon rolls on Thanksgiving morning, albeit, just the ones out of the tube. It keeps the masses happy while they watch the parade. Enjoy breakfast, delegate the clean-up, and then start on the appetizers that need to be baked as the company starts to trickle in, like this one:
Cream Cheese Dill Dip
Unroll one package of crescent rolls and divide into 4 squares made of two rolls each. Lay one 8 ounce block of cream cheese on top of two of the squares. Sprinkle both blocks of cheese with dill weed. Cover the each block with a square of crescent dough and pinch together to form a sort of weird ugly pouch. Brush the tops with an egg yolk, and bake for 15 minutes at 350.
I used to only make one of these, but the group inhaled it so quickly, and yelled so loudly for more, that I now never make less than two of them. Serve this dip with your favorite crackers, sit back and watch: you’ll be stunned at how fast it disappears.
Take that softened cream cheese you took out earlier, and fold in a cup of chopped pecans. Wash and cut some of that fresh beautiful celery into 4-inch sticks, and fill with the cream cheese and pecan mixture.
Pull out the spinach dip and the pumpernickel bread, cut a deep hole into the bread and pour in the dip. Cut the top of the bread into squares and place on the platter around the bread bowl. Pull out any other appetizers you’ve prepared, and set them on pretty platters in another room. This alone will keep people from wandering into the kitchen.
Bird In: Once the dip comes out, turn the oven up to 450, and move the racks to accommodate the bird. Put the turkey, and set the timer for one hour, then turn down the temperature to 350, and roast for another two hours (check the web for the correct roasting time for the weight of the bird you are roasting). Turkeys are weird, and have their own definitions of terms like “hours”, so watch it, baste it, and test the temperature.
Crock Pot Stuff: Once the turkey is in, pull out the crock pot full of dressing. Top it with several pats of butter, and turn it on low. Next, peel, chop and boil the potatoes. When you drain them, save that water: you’ll need it for the gravy. Mash the potatoes immediately. (my chef of a daughter adds minced garlic, cream cheese, sour cream, a lot of butter, milk, chives, salt, and pepper. They are a sin. We shouldn’t be allowed to eat them on a religious holiday.) Transfer the potatoes to the other crock pot and turn it on warm.
Sweet Potatoes: If you’re making The Sweet Potato Stuff, now’s the time to boil the sweet potatoes. Once the potatoes have boiled, drain them and then peel and mash them with a fork. Put the casserole together, but keep the topping separate from the filling. Set aside.
Basting Break: Check the bird, baste, and go in that room where they’re hoarding all that cream cheese dip and gitchu some. Steal a pecan tassie, too. Check the score of the game. Kiss a kid.
Clean Up: The kitchen, at this point, should be a train wreck. Find the weirdo that came in earlier asking if they could help and let them. Enjoy their company. Run the dishwasher and wash everything else. You’ll feel better, and the rest of the day will go better.
Bird Check: When the bird has been in for three hours or so, remove the foil cover so he’ll brown up nicely. Baste. (Note: I’m not a nutzo baster. I only open the oven a couple of times while the bird roasts. Temperature changes bother turkeys, or at least the ones I’ve roasted. They seem to do better the less I bother them.)
Time For Pie: Pies you want to serve warm after the meal need to be prepared now, especially apple pies, due to all of that apple peeling and slicing. Get them ready for the oven, and set them aside.
Other Oven Bound Items: Prepare the green bean casserole, and put the rolls on cookie sheets.
The Agonizing Wait: Now is when your turkey will either be done too quickly, or want another hour in its little sauna. It is what it is. If it’s not done, you have time for another kitchen clean-up, some spinach dip, a score check, another kiss, and perhaps a run to your room for some clean clothes and mascara. It’s ready when the leg moves freely, and that cute little timer thingy pops up.
Big Reveal/Bird Out: Take out the turkey roaster and place it directly on the stove, covering two burners. Now is when you’ll thank me for those ridiculous foil strips. Grab them and carefully lift the bird onto a strategically placed gorgeous platter. Cool, huh? Take a bow, and bask in all of the “oohs” and “ahhs” you hear. Remove the strips, and slap the hands of any turkey thieves. Let the poor thing rest.
Other Oven Yummies: First, take the lid off the dressing in the crock-pot, and let the top crisp up. Bake the green beans and the sweet potato stuff. Once the oven is closed, it’s…
Time For Gravy: Transfer the pan drippings to a bowl, and fetch that potato water and some corn starch. Make a roux in the roaster so you get all of that good stuff stuck to the pan with a cup or so of drippings and about a 1/4 cup of cornstarch. (This is all approximate: eyeball it. You’re looking for a paste that’s golden brown and bubbling.) Add in about four cups of the potato water. Stir continuously with a whisk as it thickens. You don’t think it ever will, but this is God teaching you patience. It’ll happen. Stir, watch and wait.
Enlist the Troops: As you are stirring your fool arm off, call in some help to get the table set, drinks poured, guests corralled, and the bird carved. Once the casseroles come out, stick in the rolls. Set a timer. (Seriously: that irritating beep has saved me many times.) Pull out the cold salads and the cranberry stuff, and stick the pies in to cook as you eat. Set a timer for those pies, too. Now, would you look at that…your gravy is beautiful. Put it in a pretty boat, go sit down at your beautiful table with people you love and
Be Thankful.
Happy Thanksgiving, from my house to yours…